34 excuses for why we failed at love.

June 8, 2013 § Leave a comment

1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things.

2. Loving you was like going to war, I never came back the same.

3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.

4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.

5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.

6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.

7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.

8. It’s not that he’s wants to be a liar, it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.

9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.

10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.

11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.

12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.

13. I’m not a dog.

14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.

15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.

16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.

17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.

18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.

19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.

20. It just didn’t work out.

21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.

22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.

23. I cut him out at the root , he was my favourite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.

24. The women in my family die waiting.

25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.

26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.

27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.

28. He sent me a text that said ‘I love you so bad’

29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile.

30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love.

31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you.

32. I’m a lover without a lover

33. I’m lovely and lonely.

34. I belong deeply to myself.

By Warsan Shire

 

– I feel a lot of these, some do not resonate for me, but I understand the source of their keenness. I am finding it hard to sleep tonight because I do not want to be alone with my thoughts. Unless they are of art and happiness. I suppose in time.

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My whole life is a trust exercise

January 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

Churning water. Icicles, smoke stacks. Choreographed trust exercise, side by side, grab shoulders lean out, slip the grip, upper arm, spring and slip, to elbow, then leaning and gripping wrists, v shaped bodies, then spring and grip back up. Trust not to let the other fall. Over and over. Breakers. Hyperrealistic colours for people. Black and white pulsing water. One two three, regimented, exact, rythym, breath, pulse, futility, strength. Arm elbow wrist. Part of ideas for Passages, new body of work. Water, faith, formation, exactitude. Deference. Arrival. Wills.

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