February 24, 2013 § Leave a comment
I have a lot of rebuilding to do. Dealing with my own negativity and fear, become more driven, positive, use my time well, work. Then to be better for others. Be truthful, respectful, loving. Build people up. Dont let my fear control or dictate how I interact with others. I had a bad dream last night that made me think a lot about how I want to be as a person in love and how I will be remembered by others – in this life or the next. That I want to move people, touch their hearts, but never scar them. How I can ask for forgiveness but can never expect it.
I want to walk along this jetty with you and sit at the end of it and tell you my fears and my dreams, and I want to hear yours. Look you in the eyes, hold your hand and be present with you.
I have a lot of rebuilding to do, and I am not too proud.
February 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
I wish I had more mentors, how do you ask people to help you?
Sometimes I feel like working in the arts is always a competition, with yourself and with your colleagues. Except I often have little faith in myself.
I have a lot to do this year, in various states of completion:
- Iceland (NES) residency
- Invisible City relaunch
- Complete body of work x 3 (Passages, Trust, Ruins)
- Apply for shows (x 4 – Mop, Felt, ACP, EAF)
- Apply for Nordic residency (to occur in 2014)
- Grant applications (x 3 – two Ozco, one private)
- PhD application (USyd)
- Source studio for second half of 2013
- Show at Artereal & studio visit with their curator
- Rituals for better living
- Other opportunities as they arise
I need to do a month by month plan.
I’m falling in love I think.
February 15, 2013 § Leave a comment
I am stuck. A talked about using your strength rather than your flexibility. the town I will be living in is very small. I wonder what the other artists will be like, what their practice will be like. Resources, stories, backgrounds. Look at the sky. I am not convinced of anything anymore. It has gotten darker now.
February 14, 2013 § Leave a comment
I was on a plane recently. I sat at the window which is unusual as I usually choose the aisle. It was the afternoon and the light was blinding me. There were no clouds and it was warm and beautiful. I thought myself happy then.
I saw a house, filled with sand. Everything upside down, pushed hard against the sand, being consumed. The doors were stuck to, open just enough to see the piles drift towards the back wall. There must have been buried things. The dry dust. The crystals.
In my dream I made a snowball bigger and bigger, compressing the snow between my open hands, contracting it to a hard knot of ice. I pushed so hard the ice became styrofoam and then it crumbled in my hands.